You have sat at the same desk for three years, yet worked for three different companies.
Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
The company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um.
When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
You learn about your layoff on CNN.
Your biggest loss from a system crash on your computer is that you lose your best jokes.
Your supervisor does not have the ability to do your job assignment.
You sit in a cubicle the same size as a bathroom stall.
The salaries of members on the Executive Board of your company are higher than the combined annual budgets of all Third World countries.
Your two-year old kid refers to your company cubicle as Daddy's or Mommy's room.
You think lunch is a meeting to which you have to drive.
It is dark when you drive to and from work.
Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
You see a good-looking person and know it is a visitor.
Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
Being sick is defined as can't walk, or you're in the hospital.
You are already late on finishing your assignment when it is first handed to you.
When 100% of your time means 20 hours.
You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
Real work dosen't start until after 5 pm or on weekends.
Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cubicle.
The plants in your cubicle are healthier than your plants at home.
Your boss's favorite lines are "When you get a few minutes", "In your spare time", and "I have an opportunity for you."
No one (including the boss) knows what at least 10% of the people on the team do.
Vacation is something you rollover to next year, a check you get every January (if you're lucky), or something you lose.
Change is the norm.
Nepotism is encouraged.
The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are hanging in your cubicle.
You read this entire list and understood it!
2/23/99